Had a nightmare last night of his hands around my neck.  I woke up with my heart racing, afraid to move.  Had to remove the necklace around my neck.  What I did different was I decided to listen to sounding bowl and try to go back to sleep.  Last time I looked at the clock, it was about 1.

Got up this morning at 4:30 with my throat shut. Still feel like I can’t breath.  It’s 6:30 now so I’m going to go out for a walk run.  I have gained 35 pounds – Feel uncomfortable and unhealthy.

Feeling really really scared.  I feel I’m failing my children.  I want to be a mom again more than anything.  I want to take them places and instead I go to doctor’s appointment while they sit at home.  That’s what he stole from me most.

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